Wushi
Lacking by the elegance and refinement of sushi, free of the “good recipes” of tapas, and void of the cachet of nouvelle-cuisine, Wushi is distinguished from other small-plate traditions by placing priority on the question “what do I want to put in my mouth” rather than the question “what should I put in my mouth”.
Accommodating all traditions, ingredients, and opinions of what is edible, Wushi is founded 4 Basic principles which are applied to a system of classification for maximum tastiness results.
I originally made this up for Interdependence Day, but it has lived on in many forms.
The Principles of Wushi
- Take food you like
- Put it on top of, or inside, other food you like
- If possible, include something that could make it taste weird, but ends up making it taste awesome.
- Make it bite-sized, for optimal sharing and ballistics.
The System of Wushi
Food and food-like items are divided into the following categories
- Headliner
- Ballast
- Pizzazz
- The Snug
- The Plank
- The Smooth
- The Sauce
- Sprinkles
Headliner
Substantial, flavorful items
Sushi equivalent
fish
Basic
Wild mushrooms, bacon, Marinated tofu
Advanced
mini-pizzas, snails, cactus
Adventurous
bar soap
Ballast
Substantial but blander than the Headliner.
Sushi equivalent
Rice
Basic
Rice, potatoes
Advanced
Brioche, marshmallows
Adventurous
Matchbox cars
Pizzazz
Spicy, tangy, or ummami-ful stuff, often dipped-in or added-on
Sushi equivalent
wasabi, pickled ginger, etc.
Basic
Mustard, hot peppers, lemon, horseradish, olives
Advanced
balsamic vinegar, dried cherries, whisky
Adventurous
bleach
The Snug
Sheet-food or pocket-food that you wrap around the other stuff
Sushi equivalent
Nigiri
Basic
Tortillas, chard leaves, crepes
Advanced
Bean paste, bubblegum, grape leaves
Adventurous
Hairnets
The Plank
Flat and sturdy food onto which you can pile everything else
Sushi equivalent
?
Basic
Crackers, chips
Advanced
Pop-tarts, hard cheese
Adventurous
cardboard
The Smooth
Fat = flavor
Sushi equivalent
Cream cheese*, creamy scallop, avocado
Basic
goat cheese, silken tofu, yogurt
Advanced
apple butter, spray cheese, lard
Adventurous
wheat paste
Sprinkles
Extra-tasty bits to sprinkle on top
Sushi equivalent
Roe, onion slices
Basic
crushed nuts, actual sprinkles, salt, blue cheese crumbles
Advanced
Brewer’s yeast, pop-rocks
Adventurous
Glitter
The Sauce
Self-explanatory. Infinite possibilities.